Before You Fall For It: How To Verify Who You’re Really Talking To Online

Two viral stories this month- a man accused of posing as a San Francisco 49ers player to allegedly scam 26 women out of $1.3 million, and a “Temptation Island” alum accused of faking two years as a Duke University Physician Assistant student– have put a spotlight on how convincing a false identity can be when it is built entirely online. But let’s be honest about the part nobody wants to say out loud: none of this works without our participation.

Sis, we have to stop sending men money. Period.

Not “be careful who you send money to.” Not “verify first, then send.” We need to stop the practice entirely. A man who is who he says he is does not need your money. Not for a “bodyguard.” Not for an “investment opportunity.” Not for gas, rent, a flight to come see you, or anything else. We are not a financial institution, and we are not here to fund a man’s lifestyle, real or fabricated, while he decides whether we’re worth sticking around for.

This applies whether he says he plays for the NFL, owns real estate in Switzerland, or has no job at all. The employment status was never actually the issue. The issue is a man asking a woman for money in the first place, and a woman feeling like saying no might cost her the relationship. It shouldn’t. If it does, that relationship was never real to begin with.

We keep raising our daughters to be independent, to build their own, to not need a man to survive. We need to apply that same standard to who we hand our money to as grown women. Financial independence isn’t just about your own bank account. It’s also about refusing to let anyone else make withdrawals from it, especially someone you met three weeks ago on an app.

Verify before you invest anything, your time, your trust, or your money

If someone claims to work for a company, play for a team, or attend a specific program, that information exists somewhere official and searchable. Check the team’s official website roster directly rather than trusting a jersey, a locker room photo, or a screenshot of someone else’s search result. Check a university directory, a licensing board, or a certification database rather than taking a diploma photo at face value.

Search the person, not just the story they tell you

A reverse image search on profile photos can reveal whether an image has been pulled from someone else’s account or used across multiple fake profiles. A simple name search paired with the claimed employer, school, or team can surface inconsistencies fast, including reports, warnings, or complaints other women have already filed publicly.

A low-cost background check is cheaper than a broken heart and an empty account

Services like BeenVerified, TruthFinder, and Instant Checkmate charge a small monthly fee and can quickly surface a person’s real identity history, including name changes, address history, and public records. Before getting seriously involved with someone new, especially someone met exclusively online, run the check. It is inexpensive insurance against an expensive lesson.

Pay attention when basic verification becomes a problem for him

Anyone with a legitimate claim to a job, degree, or credential should have no issue with a video call, an in-person meeting, or an introduction to people in their claimed circle. Repeated excuses for why a call can’t happen, why meeting in person keeps getting delayed, or why coworkers and classmates are never available are themselves an answer. Believe it the first time.

One red flag is a coincidence. A pattern is a warning.

A single inconsistency can be an honest mistake. Multiple inconsistencies, especially ones nobody in his claimed world can confirm, are a pattern worth taking seriously. In both viral cases this month, the deception held for years in part because red flags were explained away one at a time instead of added up.

We are not gullible. We are trusting, generous, and hopeful, and there is nothing wrong with any of that. But hope is not a verification process, and generosity should never come at the cost of our bank accounts, our safety, or our peace. Verify first. Give freely, but never give blindly, and never, ever give a man your money.