U.S. explosive diarrhea stinks of Trump booboos

Over the years, President Donald Trump has been accused of many things. Many, many, many, many things. 

Never has he been accused of being generous; of having a giving spirit. But it seems like Captain Crap is hell-bent on sharing his own legendary loose bowels condition with the entire nation. 

Apparently, Trump wants to Make America Stank Again.

Why else would Trump be so hell-bent on wiping clean the booty of Taylor Farms, the company located at the very bowels of the current national explosive diarrhea outbreak?

If you don’t know, Taylor Farms is the company behind the lettuce making everybody sick.

The funky facts

Here’s “the runs” down.

The FDA traced a multi-state Cyclospora outbreak (causing severe gastrointestinal illness) to shredded iceberg lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms de Mexico (headquartered in Salinas, California), prompting a voluntary recall.  With more than 10,000 cases of cyclosporiasis logged across the U.S., the company has been publicly battling and privately lobbying the White House.

Taylor Farms reportedly gave more than $2 million to conservative groups in 2025, including $1 million to MAGA Inc., a Trump-aligned political action committee, and more than $1.6 million to conservative groups between 2020 and 2024. This includes $850,000 to an anti-regulation PAC tied to the Koch brothers’ network.

Bruce Taylor, chairman and CEO of Taylor Farms, has also donated nearly $1 million to Republican PACs and candidates since 2020, according to an analysis of federal filings done by WIRED.

That’s at least $4.4 million for those keeping score.

The FDA initially announced that a border-import sample of the lettuce tested positive for the parasite, but later backtracked, calling it a false positive due to “the complexity in detection of Cyclospora.” This came after a reported meeting Taylor had with the man he helped elect: the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

You know, the house that’s bringing the property values down in the neighborhood for all the straight ghetto activity. Fights on the front lawn. Half-ass demolition and supposed “reconstruction” of the home, with shoddy work, left half-done for months and months. And shootings outside seemingly every other week.

This claim of a Taylor Farms/Trump sleepover isn’t just the ramblings of ramblers. Rep. Robert Garcia of California, the highest-ranking Democrat on the House Oversight Committee, said, “Taylor Farms donated millions to President Trump, met privately with the White House the night the FDA identified their lettuce as the source of this outbreak, and then reportedly tried to distance themselves from this outbreak.”

I guess $4.4 million is enough to make detecting anything that’s going to stop the run of profits for the already hyper-wealthy more complex.

And it probably doesn’t hurt Taylor Farm’s cause to de-legitimize the FDA’s initial announcement that their lettuce was giving everybody what Dave Chappelle called the bubble-guts, when one of Taylor’s lobbying team is Trent Morse. Morse is the former deputy director of the White House Presidential Personnel Office, who left the Trump administration last year.

Trump acting like Sir Nose—Devoid of Funk

But to let Trump and crew tell it, not only are Taylor Farms and the company’s CEO as clean as Trump is regarding the Epstein Files, etc., they’re the real victims. Mean people who can’t even get off the toilet long enough to make a toilet paper run to the grocery store have the nerve to want these high-and-mighty folk held accountable. Such meanies.

Still, this administration is working overtime to distance itself from the funk.

“Nothing influences our decisions except science and the safety of the American people,” the Department of Health and Human Services wrote on X in a recent post, just prior to HHS officials making plans to sell the Golden Gate Bridge to the highest bidder.

Taylor Farms claimed on social media that the FDA had “apologized” for the mistake, which regulatory officials flatly denied. They even stood “10-toes-down” on their evidence, stating that their “epidemiological traceback data” implicating the lettuce remained unchanged. I guess they didn’t get the Trump memo.

The DOGE dump

But even if you’re glued to your toilet seat and the runs are running, you can still recall the fact that the Trump administration had the DOGE boys initiate a “cost-cutting program” (that’s one-percenter talk for “transfer of wealth from the barely making it to the hyper-wealthy”). DOGE slashed federal agencies and pushed thousands of experienced federal workers to accept early retirements. That move seriously hamstrung the government’s ability to inspect produce for pathogens.

You can say that again. Or you can say it as political law attorney Nicole Robinson did recently on social media.

“For almost 30 years, the CDC required tracking of the parasite that is making everybody sick right now,” said Robinson. “Taylor Farms, the supplier at the center of the parasite outbreak, donated over $2 million to conservative political groups in 2025. Then, in July 2025, the Trump administration made tracking this parasite optional.

“Now, one year later, we have an outbreak across the country, and thousands of people are sick. And it’s projected to get worse.”

And a person with even more direct expertise broke it down as such: “The cuts across food safety, in terms of public health, in terms of regulatory, in terms of research, have contributed to this,” stated Barbara Kowalcyk, director of the Institute for Food Safety and Nutrition Security at George Washington University, recently to the New York Times.

“Thousands of Americans became sick. Trust in our public health system is on the line,” said Garcia. “The American people deserve to know Taylor Farms’ full role in this outbreak, and we’re demanding answers.”

Take action

It doesn’t take a Ph.D. to realize “Something is rotten in Denmark.”

• Demand accountability: Contact your members of Congress and urge them to support full public investigations into the outbreak and any political interference.
• Speak with your dollars: Support local farmers and food producers with strong food safety records, and let retailers know transparency matters.
• Stay informed: Follow updates from public health agencies and credible investigative journalism instead of political talking points.
• Make your voice heard: Share verified information with family and friends, and push back against misinformation that puts public health at risk.
• Vote with public health in mind: Hold elected officials accountable for decisions affecting food safety, public health oversight, and government transparency.