Keep The Pie, Pass On The Drama — 6 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries During The Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be about love, laughter, good food and making memories. But let’s be honest: sometimes, the most stressful part of Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t figuring out who’s bringing the mac and cheese, it’s the dread of figuring out how to survive being around everybody.

Between family drama, unsolicited opinions about your love life, pressure to host a picture-perfect dinner and the expectation to show up everywhere, the holiday season can quickly turn from festive to exhausting. Add in the pressure to spend money, cook for a crowd and keep everybody happy, and suddenly, your holiday cheer is hanging by a thread.

That’s why learning how to set boundaries during the holidays is so important. Protecting your peace doesn’t mean you don’t love your family. It means understanding that your time, energy and emotional well-being matter, too. And no, you don’t have to sacrifice your sanity just to keep everybody else comfortable.

RELATED CONTENT: A Holiday Guide To Nurture The Spirit of Gratitude And Generosity In Our Babies

What Are Boundaries, Anyway?

Boundaries are limits we establish with ourselves and others to protect our needs, values and well-being. They help us recognize what we’re comfortable with, what we’re willing to do and when it’s time to say, “That’s enough for me!”

According to psychologist Sharon Martin, writing for Psychology Today in 2021, failing to establish boundaries can leave us pouring into everyone else while neglecting ourselves.

“Without boundaries, we run the risk of spending all our time, energy, and money making other people happy without considering our own needs (for things like rest, fun, connection, and quiet); we end up resentful, exhausted, unfulfilled, and overwhelmed,” explained Martin.

And honestly, who wants to spend the holidays feeling like an unpaid event planner, personal therapist and short-order cook all rolled into one?

Learning how to set boundaries during the holidays allows you to enjoy the season without taking on every responsibility, attending every gathering or answering every question your relatives throw your way. You can love your family and still need a break. Both things can be true.

1. Figure Out What Actually Stresses You Out

Before you start setting limits, take a moment to identify what makes the holidays difficult for you. Is it the auntie who always asks when you’re getting married? The cousin who comments on your weight? The pressure to drink alcohol when you’d rather not? Or perhaps it’s the expectation that you’ll host dinner, cook six dishes and clean up while everyone else relaxes on the couch.

Whatever the issue may be, recognizing your triggers can help you decide which boundaries you need, notes Recovery Centers of America.

For example, if conversations about your finances, relationships or plans for children make you uncomfortable, you can decide ahead of time that those topics are off-limits. If hosting leaves you overwhelmed, you can establish a more manageable plan before the invitations go out.

The key to understanding how to set boundaries during the holidays is knowing that your limits don’t have to look like anyone else’s. Your sibling might enjoy spending the entire holiday weekend with relatives, while you might prefer a few hours and a peaceful evening at home. Neither choice is wrong.

Your holiday experience doesn’t have to be a performance for other people. It should leave room for you to feel comfortable, too.

The post Keep The Pie, Pass On The Drama — 6 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries During The Holidays appeared first on MadameNoire.