Safety Net Or Setback? The Truth About Parents Supporting Their Adult Children

By my senior year of high school, I was more than ready to head off to college. I was earning some extra cash working part-time as a parking attendant at East Carolina University during home football games, and I also took on a role as part of the dining staff at a lovely residential senior living community. With my cell phone and play money being my only expenses, in my brilliant but naive mind, I was really ready for adulthood. Being able to move freely without restrictions was all that was on my mind. Little did I know, I was rushing into a lifetime of never-ending responsibilities. As the old folks say, it’s always something. But it didn’t take long for me to figure out that I wasn’t as ready as I thought. 

Despite all the challenges and obstacles that come with navigating adulthood, there’s one thing I truly cherish: home has always been, and will always be, a safe and comforting place whenever I need it. It’s a privilege that not everyone has, and it’s a source of immense reassurance.

My mom and I have a running joke that she’s responsible for me until the day she leaves Earth, since parenting is a lifelong role. I usually use this as an excuse to give her a hard time when I’m tired of paying for our outings and adventures myself. While I would absolutely love to defer one or two of my recurring monthly bills to Mommie Dearest, it’s not an option. (But make no mistake, she continues to step up and provide for me, my sister, and the kids in ways that are comfortable and feasible for her). 

For many parents, supporting their adult children has become an everyday reality. The increased costs of adulthood—caused by factors like inflation, debt, high unemployment, rising mortgage rates, daycare expenses, student loans, and everyday living costs—mean that many are stepping in to help. A recent study published by savings.com highlights this growing trend. In the study, it was reported that half of the parents with adult children provide regular financial support of upwards of $1,474 a month for each of their adult children. These contributions from parents cover everything you can think of—rent, healthcare, groceries, and even fun things like vacations. They also go towards tuition, investments, and other personal expenses, including discretionary funds. It further provided this insight:

Generation Z adults (ages 18-28) receive greater financial support from their parents, mainly due to their status as college students and the early stages of their careers. Conversely, the financial assistance provided to millennials (ages 29-44) has diminished, possibly because they have had more time to establish themselves professionally or have multiple income streams. Interestingly, it is less common for Generation X individuals (ages 45-60) to receive financial aid, as they are more likely to have achieved financial independence or inherited wealth from their families. 

Although the study did not specify the race and ethnicity of the respondents, it is well-documented that African Americans historically face financial disadvantages. While we are witnessing a positive increase in Black wealth, the gap between Black families and their counterparts remains quite substantial. In 2022, the Urban Institute highlighted some critical differences in median wealth among families. They found that white families had a median wealth of $284,000, which is significantly higher compared to $62,000 for Hispanic families and $44,000 for Black families. This historical disparity may underpin the prevalent sentiment among many parents: “Once you’re 18, my responsibilities are done.”

For adults like Morgan Richard, this principle felt like a setup for failure. “It was a shock, really, how much I was expected to do and learn on my own,” she shared. “Legally, at 18, I am an adult. But just days before, at age 17, I was a child unable to make any decision without my mom or dad’s permission.  If anyone is using this model to raise their kids, give them support and autonomy before. I felt like there was never an opportunity to lean on my parents for any help in adulthood, even for minor things. It had always been sink or swim.” 

While many may worry that lending financial support to their children may be crippling them or enabling them, nearly 77% of the parents surveyed do so with some kind of stipulation or contingency. Thanks to social media, we get a glimpse into people’s personal lives. There’s a comforting shift happening in how Black parents are supporting their children, even as they grow into adulthood. 

When I moved back home as a young adult after college, my mom continued to cover household expenses without expecting me to pay rent, just because I was an adult. A common method used in some families to teach financial literacy and get a “dose” of the real world. However, I was responsible for running household errands, scheduling maintenance visits, and keeping household supplies stocked. If those simple guidelines couldn’t be adhered to (plus putting money away), then I would need to take on more financial responsibilities. In other words, living rent-free wasn’t a gateway to partying, drinking, and squandering my money away. It was meant to be a stepping stone for success. 

For other families, such as that of Ronita Hardy, parental support for her and her sibling has taken shape through multigenerational living. This has enabled them to eliminate and reduce repetitive costs, establish a stronger system for both childcare and elder care, and develop a more collaborative networking system for everyday household tasks and maintenance. This support has not only provided a safety net but also empowered them to take on more. 

This is the type of support she genuinely values and does not take for granted. “It’s a true blessing,” she remarks. “It has enabled me to take greater risks with investments and to provide my daughter with more opportunities. She attends a private school and has the flexibility to participate in any extracurricular activities she wishes to pursue.” 

Winemaker and designer, Andre Mack’s mother shared a similar belief and guiding principle as Richard’s parents. “Maybe it was her generation and upbringing, but my mom also thought that once we turned 18, we had to learn how to forge our own path,” he shared. However, for him, showing up and supporting our children has no age limit. The father of four says he and his wife are committed to the lifelong responsibility of parenting. “It doesn’t make our kids entitled—they have strong morals, understand the value of money, and know what it means to work hard. If they continue to apply those principles, it’s our job to support them in any way we can, whether financially, emotionally, or mentally. We want to be a positive influence on their happiness and success, and it’s an honor to do so.”

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