Forget the opposition noise as CDF is sequencing Nyasaland’s way to Singapore

Dear Judge Mbadwa,

I feel compelled, My Lord, to step into the witness box and demolish the unpatriotic myths surrounding my beloved People’s Demagogic Party (PDP) and our visionary campaign promise of a K5 billion Constituency Development Fund (CDF) allocations.

Let it be known from the onset, My Lord, that this promise was not a product of sheer campaign fantasy. It was, in fact, our express lane to transforming the warm heart of Africa into a mini-Singapore.

Yet, we are forced to endure the daily white noise of unpatriotic elements peddling the malicious lie that the PDP has failed on its CDF targets. Worse still, some absolute heretics are whispering in the corridors of power that azungu, specifically the sour-faced technocrats at the International Milking Fund (IMF), sat our leadership down and explained, gently but firmly, that we cannot afford this magnificent “CDF madness.”

My Lord, let me set the record straight for the court. We are barely nine months into a glorious five-year term! It is a profound legal and moral absurdity to judge our performance at this premature stage. Nowhere in our sacred manifesto did we explicitly write that the K5 billion would arrive within the first nine months. We are strategists, My Lord, not Santa Claus.

Consider the sheer gravity of what we are dealing with here. We are talking about colossal and historic sums of money. We have rural constituencies whose grandest developmental milestone since the 1970s was a single mud-brick school block or an under-five clinic constructed during a Kamuzu-era Youth Week self-help project. Are we suddenly expected to drop billions of Kwacha into the hands of people who think a million Kwacha is a national treasury?

We cannot simply throw money at the unwashed masses, My Lord. That would be a reckless abdication of State responsibility. We must first “build capacity.” It takes time to train a villager how to properly look at a nine-zero figure without fainting.

Besides, My Lord, our developmental layout is flawlessly logical. We are busy upgrading our cities and regional hubs first. Is it not basic architecture to build the roof before you paint the living room walls? Once the urban elites are comfortably sorted, we shall trickle down to the constituencies. In advanced economics, My Lord, we call this sequencing.

To prove our unyielding commitment, we have already disbursed a modest K7.87 billion to cover “project preparatory activities” for the 2026/27 financial year. This is tangible progress, My Lord, not a political smokescreen to fool the electorate. But we must be exhaustively thorough. CDF is not a Christmas party for greedy legislators where everyone walks away with a gift hamper. There are guidelines. There are bureaucratic bottlenecks to respect. There are procedures.

And as for this neo-colonial nonsense about azungu influence pulling our strings? Please, My Lord! Where do these gossip-mongers get their facts? We are a fiercely sovereign nation. Is His Excellency, President Mapuya, the kind of leader to lick imperialist boots and abandon his manifesto for a mere K300 to K400 billion IMF loan, an amount that couldn’t even fund a fraction of our grand CDF vision? The very idea is a gross insult to our national dignity.

My Lord, I am fully aware that under previous regimes, corrupt legislators fed their constituents dog meat and maliciously labelled it “rural development” under the guise of CDF. That is precisely why past funds left no lasting footprint.

But this PDP administration is carved from superior wood. We possess proven leadership. We have the resources; at least on paper. Give us time, My Lord, and we shall turn every remote village into a thriving metropolis.

Disregard the noise from the gallery, My Lord. The defence rests.

Regards,

John Citizen.

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