Shy bairns get nowt in business – so why aren’t more founders asking?

“Shy bairns get nowt.” It’s a phrase I’ve heard all my life. Straightforward, slightly blunt and completely accurate. And yet, in business, it’s advice many founders still struggle to act on.

I know this because I’ve been one of them.

There was a point in my first business where I was doing good work, delivering results, building relationships and still not growing at the pace I wanted. Not because the opportunities weren’t there, but because I wasn’t asking for them.

I was waiting to be noticed. Waiting to be invited. Waiting until I felt ready.

Nothing changed.

The shift came when I stopped waiting and started asking more directly. For opportunities, for introductions, for conversations I would previously have talked myself out of. The difference wasn’t subtle. It changed the trajectory of my business.

More recently, that mindset led to something I never expected – hosting an event for female founders at 11 Downing Street.

Even writing that still feels surreal.

But the reality behind it is far less polished. It came from a conversation, a clear idea and a willingness to ask a simple question: why not us?

When the invites went out, I had founders message me asking if it was a scam. That alone says a lot about how rare opportunities like that feel.

But they don’t happen by accident.

That evening brought together founders from across the North East alongside investors, policymakers and people with the power to open doors. The format was deliberately simple. No panels, no pitches, no long speeches –  just time to talk.

Because one conversation in the right room can change the direction of a business.

And yet, even in a room like that, the same hesitation exists. People still hold back. They wait to be approached instead of starting the conversation themselves.

That’s the pattern I see again and again.

There’s a belief in business that if you’re good enough, opportunities will come. That your work will speak for itself. It’s a comforting idea, but it doesn’t reflect reality. We’re all operating in crowded markets where visibility matters just as much as capability.

I work with founders who are exceptional at what they do. Smart, experienced, delivering real results. But they’re not growing as quickly as they could be because they’re not putting themselves forward.

At the same time, others (often less experienced but far more visible) are stepping into those opportunities. They’re asking. They’re following up. They’re making it easy for people to understand what they want and how to help them.

When you look at what’s holding people back, it’s rarely a lack of ability. It’s usually fear. Fear of rejection, of getting it wrong, of being judged or coming across the wrong way.

So instead of asking clearly, people soften it. They hint. They circle around it. They “put it out there” and hope someone else connects the dots.

Most people won’t.

If you’re not clear about what you want, it’s unlikely anyone else will be either.

Over time, this hesitation compounds. You don’t put yourself forward, so someone else gets the opportunity. You don’t follow up, so the momentum disappears. You don’t share your perspective, so your voice isn’t part of the wider conversation.

Then the narrative shifts. Founders start telling themselves that opportunities aren’t there, that the market is slow, that people aren’t buying.

Sometimes that’s true.

But often, the simpler explanation is that they’re not asking.

There’s also a misconception that asking is the same as being pushy. It isn’t. Being pushy is about forcing something that isn’t right. Asking is about creating clarity. It’s about making it easy for someone to say yes or no and moving things forward either way.

The founders who grow the fastest understand this. They don’t wait to be chosen. They ask for introductions, for opportunities, and for the sale. They follow up. They stay visible. They create momentum rather than hoping it appears.

That’s also where personal brand plays a role. When people already know who you are and what you stand for, those conversations become easier. You’re not starting from zero.

But visibility on its own isn’t enough. This is where many founders get stuck. They show up, they share their thinking, they build an audience but still hesitate when it comes to turning that into action.

They’re visible, but not proactive.

And that’s where the gap is.

Because ultimately, business rewards action. It rewards the people who are willing to put themselves forward and be clear about what they want. So if there’s one takeaway, it’s this: stop waiting to be picked.

Ask for the meeting. Ask for the opportunity. Ask for the sale.

You won’t always get the answer you want. But you will get an answer. And more importantly, you give yourself a chance. Because the biggest opportunities in your business won’t come from being ready.

They’ll come from being brave enough to ask.

And if you don’t ask, you already know the answer.

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