Dating is hard. Like, really hard. The apps have suffocated us with an endless amount of options and the paradox of choice, and it feels like more and more people these days are giving up on finding love (at least, online). And while that may be the vibe, it’s not necessarily the majority of young people’s experiences. Dating apps are exhausting, but there’s still a way to meet your prospective match: in the wild.According to the Pew Research Center, just 12% of partnered American adults met each other online (21% of those ages 18 to 29) with the rest meeting through friends and family, at work, at school, at a bar or restaurant, or anywhere in the world, really. There’s definitely hope out there for those who are apps-averse, and if you’re looking for some inspiration (or just a sign that you’re on the right track) then look no further. Here, five readers dive into exactly how they met their partners in the wild.This article was originally published in August 2023 and has since been updated. Rachel, 27, she/her, New YorkRachel and her partner have been together for over three years, and they met at one of the OG spots for love — the workplace. She tells Refinery29 that she had never seen him before at their place of work, so she went up and introduced herself during a work happy hour. “I found out we had a ton in common like music, playing tennis, and traveling. Once I knew where he sat in the office, I would go over to his desk and we would taste test various Trader Joe’s snacks together every week. I was not shy to call him my work crush to my friends and even coworkers,” she says. “Eventually he asked me on a date, which happened to be March 15, 2020. We sat in the park and drank wine and after a few months of FaceTiming we made it official. We both ended up quitting that job and ‘came out’ as a couple to our coworkers a few months later.”Some of her favorite things about him are that he’s “calm, cool, collected.” “He was really good at his job and had this sort of quiet confidence that initially attracted me to him,” she says. “People seemed to gravitate towards him and it made me intrigued. He’s thoughtful, so patient, an amazing cook, and has a super cute Frenchie which is a great added bonus.”The pair are moving in together soon, and Rachel says she’s sure it will be the classic engagement-marriage-house pipeline. “He’s 36, I’m 27, but he hasn’t put any pressure on me to speed things along which is great,” she says.Hilary, 31, she/they, Northeast USHilary first met their partner in person — but it wasn’t an accident, technically. “I was introduced by a friend and set up on what was, essentially, a blind date!” Hilary says. “My partner is a creative — they make LGBTQ+ content for kids and family and have the biggest heart. Their main mission in life is to make life easier for queer and trans kids today than it was for us when we were growing up and realizing our gender and sexuality in the early aughts and 2010s.”Hilary says she was drawn to her partner because “they are funny and sweet and know exactly how to stop my brain mid-spiral and create peaceful, easy silence for me." In fact, their first dance at their wedding was to "Easy Silence" by the Chicks, "which perfectly explains our relationship and who they are for me and for many others.” They’ve been together for six years and have been married for two. “We have two dogs, Georgie and Charlie, and our life is pretty sweet. Just lots of good food, dog walks, queer shows and movies, and cuddling in on cold New England winter nights,” Hilary says. “It sounds pretty saccharine, but whatever. It's great.”Meghan, 28, she/her, CaliforniaMeghan had just arrived back after traveling Europe on a solo trip, and had a friend convince her to stay in Los Angeles after she was planning to move to Amsterdam. “I was settling back in, and went to get my hair done up in the valley," she says. She had a spur of the moment inkling to head to a bar down the block after her appointment. “I walked into a local's spot and sat myself down at the bar, ordered a salad and a margarita, and promised myself not to touch my phone while I was there so I could stay open and get into the mode of being receptive if any conversations arose,” she says. “Barely 20 minutes after arriving, I had an older man decked out in silver jewelry approach me and say, ‘I absolutely love your hair!’ I replied and thanked him to which he said, ‘I'm married by the way, I'm not hitting on you, just thought you should know that you look stunning,’ and I thanked him.”Meghan ended up hanging out with the gentleman’s friends for the night. “I fully expected other men in their early 60s to be sitting, waiting for me to turn around, but to my pleasant surprise I found a mixed bag of people, some coupled up, some single men, and all within the age range of 35-45,” she says. Her current partner of around eight months was in the group. “We talked for almost four hours that first night we met, and we've been t
Dating is hard. Like, really hard. The apps have suffocated us with an endless amount of options and the paradox of choice, and it feels like more and more people these days are giving up on finding love (at least, online). And while that may be the vibe, it’s not necessarily the majority of young people’s experiences. Dating apps are exhausting, but there’s still a way to meet your prospective match: in the wild.
According to the Pew Research Center, just 12% of partnered American adults met each other online (21% of those ages 18 to 29) with the rest meeting through friends and family, at work, at school, at a bar or restaurant, or anywhere in the world, really. There’s definitely hope out there for those who are apps-averse, and if you’re looking for some inspiration (or just a sign that you’re on the right track) then look no further. Here, five readers dive into exactly how they met their partners in the wild.
This article was originally published in August 2023 and has since been updated. Rachel, 27, she/her, New York
Rachel and her partner have been together for over three years, and they met at one of the OG spots for love — the workplace. She tells Refinery29 that she had never seen him before at their place of work, so she went up and introduced herself during a work happy hour. “I found out we had a ton in common like music, playing tennis, and traveling. Once I knew where he sat in the office, I would go over to his desk and we would taste test various Trader Joe’s snacks together every week. I was not shy to call him my work crush to my friends and even coworkers,” she says. “Eventually he asked me on a date, which happened to be March 15, 2020. We sat in the park and drank wine and after a few months of FaceTiming we made it official. We both ended up quitting that job and ‘came out’ as a couple to our coworkers a few months later.”
Some of her favorite things about him are that he’s “calm, cool, collected.” “He was really good at his job and had this sort of quiet confidence that initially attracted me to him,” she says. “People seemed to gravitate towards him and it made me intrigued. He’s thoughtful, so patient, an amazing cook, and has a super cute Frenchie which is a great added bonus.” The pair are moving in together soon, and Rachel says she’s sure it will be the classic engagement-marriage-house pipeline. “He’s 36, I’m 27, but he hasn’t put any pressure on me to speed things along which is great,” she says.Hilary, 31, she/they, Northeast US
Hilary first met their partner in person — but it wasn’t an accident, technically. “I was introduced by a friend and set up on what was, essentially, a blind date!” Hilary says. “My partner is a creative — they make LGBTQ+ content for kids and family and have the biggest heart. Their main mission in life is to make life easier for queer and trans kids today than it was for us when we were growing up and realizing our gender and sexuality in the early aughts and 2010s.”
Hilary says she was drawn to her partner because “they are funny and sweet and know exactly how to stop my brain mid-spiral and create peaceful, easy silence for me." In fact, their first dance at their wedding was to "Easy Silence" by the Chicks, "which perfectly explains our relationship and who they are for me and for many others.” They’ve been together for six years and have been married for two. “We have two dogs, Georgie and Charlie, and our life is pretty sweet. Just lots of good food, dog walks, queer shows and movies, and cuddling in on cold New England winter nights,” Hilary says. “It sounds pretty saccharine, but whatever. It's great.”Meghan, 28, she/her, California
Meghan had just arrived back after traveling Europe on a solo trip, and had a friend convince her to stay in Los Angeles after she was planning to move to Amsterdam. “I was settling back in, and went to get my hair done up in the valley," she says. She had a spur of the moment inkling to head to a bar down the block after her appointment. “I walked into a local's spot and sat myself down at the bar, ordered a salad and a margarita, and promised myself not to touch my phone while I was there so I could stay open and get into the mode of being receptive if any conversations arose,” she says. “Barely 20 minutes after arriving, I had an older man decked out in silver jewelry approach me and say, ‘I absolutely love your hair!’ I replied and thanked him to which he said, ‘I'm married by the way, I'm not hitting on you, just thought you should know that you look stunning,’ and I thanked him.”
Meghan ended up hanging out with the gentleman’s friends for the night. “I fully expected other men in their early 60s to be sitting, waiting for me to turn around, but to my pleasant surprise I found a mixed bag of people, some coupled up, some single men, and all within the age range of 35-45,” she says. Her current partner of around eight months was in the group. “We talked for almost four hours that first night we met, and we've been together ever since,” she says.
She describes her partner as “one of the kindest, most patient, growth-centric, full-of-facts, curious, loving, intelligent human beings I have ever met, and I feel so deeply inspired and lucky every day in our partnership. He is my rock, and allows me the safe space to fly each and every day with support and encouragement, and without constraint or jealousy. Truly the healthiest and most balanced and loving dynamic I've ever been in.”
As far as their future, Meghan says they love to travel and have already taken five trips together in the eight months they’ve known one another. “We hope to have a home outside of the U.S. together someday, but for now we are learning, exploring new hobbies and interests, and working towards the beautiful future we've discussed where we explore the world, our own potential, and a union together (marriage most likely within the next couple of years, if not sooner),” she says. “Honestly though, he's the only partner I've had that didn't make me feel like I needed to rush towards something, because the right here and now is pretty great.”Bridgette, 26, she/her, New York
You know how the Rihanna song goes, we found love in a hopeless place? Well, Bridgette identifies with the lyric — she found love on a New York City sidewalk. “I was getting pizza late one night with friends after a concert and a guy walked by on the sidewalk wearing funky yellow disco shades,” she says. “I said, ‘I like your glasses,’ and he stopped to chat me up, we hit it off, and have been talking ever since.”
The pair casually dated for over a year but have now been an exclusive couple for over five months. “I love his brain and the way he processes things, how silly he is, and how he’s always up for anything,” she says. “The best parts are that we’ve sat on my couch for over five hours straight just talking and laughing and it feels like five minutes.” Maya, 25, she/her, Washington, D.C.
Maya met her boyfriend volunteering to knock on doors for a state legislature candidate in Virginia. “Our friend who had organized the canvass asked if the two of us wanted to go together and divide up one turf. He immediately said no and that he would take his own,” she says. “We connected over drinks with other volunteers after the canvass was done, but didn’t start seeing each other until a few months later when we were with mutual friends at a bar and he asked me out.” They’ve been together for two years.
“Since the start of our relationship he’s always been very vulnerable and honest with me and doesn’t hide what he’s feeling. He’s also incredibly thoughtful and plans very romantic dates, trips with full itineraries, and surprises,” she says. “He’s put his full effort into our relationship from the beginning.”
As far as what the future looks like, though, Maya isn’t so sure. “We’ve been living together for the past six months but we’re also looking at a year or two of long distance. We’re both planning on going back to school, and his job takes him a lot of different places,” she says. “I think the next few years will be challenging but we have a solid foundation and are both committed to making it work.”
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