Former People Pleasers On The Ask That Finally Made Them Say No

People-pleasing can look like kindness until you find yourself sacrificing your money, time and entire future for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.

From lending money while hospitalised to organising a wedding for an ungrateful friend, these former people pleasers share the final favours that pushed them to stop setting themselves on fire to keep others warm.

“I agreed to study nursing” — Niniola*, 21, F

Some of my older siblings told me to study nursing because they wanted a nurse in the family. I didn’t want to rock the boat, so I agreed and began a hard, roundabout journey to gain admission. I had to leave the school I was in to pursue “my” nursing career, and I ended up writing different exams to different schools, but couldn’t get in. I felt like I was trapped in a vicious cycle while my mates went ahead of me, graduated and began their adult lives. 

In October 2025, I decided that I’d had enough. I left home without anyone’s consent and moved in with a friend in another city. I got a job as a sales attendant to make ends meet and write JAMB again. I just got admitted to university for a course I chose myself, and I’ll be celebrating my first birthday away from home this month. 

It hasn’t been easy navigating life on my own, but I’m happy that I can make my own choices. I no longer chase what people want, I just do what makes me happy.

“They just wanted to borrow money from me” — Susan*, 30, F

The last straw for me was when a friend reached out to borrow money while I was hospitalised and recovering from major surgery. She asked to borrow ₦200k, and I sent it. She came back, while I was still in the hospital, and asked for another ₦400k. I sent it. I was actually trying to raise funds for the balance of my surgery fees, but I still gave her what I could. 

When she came back a few days later to ask for an additional ₦50k, I told her I didn’t have it, and she switched up on me. She gaslit me and said I didn’t care about her enough, or I’d have sent her the money. That was when it dawned on me that she was using me, and she didn’t care about my health or well-being. I realised that if I kept pouring myself out to people who didn’t deserve it, I’d end up on the losing end. I’ve been focusing on myself since then.

“I covered for my colleague until I nearly lost my job” — Nnadozie*, 27, M

At my first job at a digital marketing agency, my colleague regularly asked me to complete parts of her work because she was “overwhelmed.” I understood because we were friends, and our manager could be demanding. At first, I only helped with small reports. Soon, I was doing entire presentations and staying late to finish her assignments after completing mine.

The last time, she asked me to prepare a report while she attended a family event. I worked on it until midnight, but there was an error in one of the figures she’d sent me. During the meeting, she blamed the entire mistake on me and claimed I’d interfered with her work without permission. Our manager issued me a written warning. 

When I confronted her afterwards, she said I was already known as the more capable employee, so I shouldn’t be worried about it. I felt so angry, and I decided to stop speaking to her outside of necessary work conversations. Now, I no longer automatically say yes when colleagues need help. Let everybody face their work and go home.

“I gave my girlfriend the money for my rent” — Daniel*, 31, M 

My ex-girlfriend was constantly having financial emergencies, and I always rescued her because I was in love. The last favour she asked for was ₦350k to settle a debt. My rent was due in two weeks, but she promised to return the money before then. I sent it and spent the next two weeks anxiously reminding her. The day before my rent was due, she admitted she didn’t have it. Then, she suggested I borrow the money from a loan app.

Something in me snapped when she said that. I borrowed the money to complete my rent, but I ended the relationship the day after. It wasn’t about the money, it was the realisation that she considered my sacrifices normal, while giving me nothing in return. I refuse to live like that.

“I got tired of hosting my husband’s ungrateful relatives” — Funmi*, 56, F 

For most of my marriage, my house was treated like the family hotel. Whenever one of my husband’s relatives came to our city, they stayed with us. Some visits lasted weeks, others lasted years. I cooked, cleaned and cared for everyone because I wanted to be considered a good wife. Even when I complained, my husband reminded me that his family was now my family.

The last favour was taking in his cousin’s 22-year-old daughter while she completed her final year. She didn’t help around the house and regularly returned late without telling anyone. One evening, I asked her to wash the dishes she’d left in the sink, and she called her mother to say I was treating her like a house girl. The next morning, her mother phoned my husband to insult me. Instead of defending me, he asked me to apologise so there would be peace.

That was the last straw. I refused to apologise and gave his cousin one month to move out. I also told the entire family that our house was no longer available for extended visits. They call me wicked, but I’d rather be wicked and rested than good and unappreciated.

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