I Forgot How to Breathe. Three Days at Montage Healdsburg Reminded Me.

I never realized how much I hold my breath. Even now, typing this, I’m doing it. But now I have something that helps snap me out of it: an alarm on my phone — three deep breaths, one time a day — to remind me to breathe. It came home with me from Velocity Black‘s Rituals of Renewal, a three-day wellness retreat at Montage Healdsburg. I learned this trick from one of the special guest, Jhenè Aiko. I was invited on this retreat, and the main reason I went is because my therapist had told me, more than once, that I needed to actually rest.

My wish for this trip:

Thanks to being an overachiever since birth, I have struggled with chronic stress for years. It has impacted my sleep, mental health, and weight. I wanted to use this trip to leave my stress behind. I never really take vacations, especially those where I am expected to just chill. Which is very odd since I am a Taurus. My wish is to actually relax, practice mindfulness, and be open to new experiences.

What I packed:

I always teeter between overpacking and packing exactly what I need. Somehow, on this trip, I did both. I managed to pack too many dinner outfits and not enough jackets.

My fave top from Kai Collective. The packing list said we would attend some very nice dinners, so I wanted to give quirky elegance. I even planned my Nuuly delivery around this trip.

Glowscreen Sunscreen. The packing list also noted to bring sunscreen. I use Supergoop Glowscreen as foundation when I want minimal makeup.

Some very soft Uniqlo socks. As a Taurus and I will pick coziness over everything.

A Therabody sleep mask. Velocity Black sent us this sleep mask about 2 weeks before the trip to prepare us for supreme relaxation.

Day 1

A private car was waiting at the airport, snacks already loaded, to drive us to Montage Healdsburg. The Velocity Black team met us once we pulled up. We got to know each other over lunch.

Welcome check-in came with a tea I made sure to ask the recipe of as I grabbed a second cup. In case you were wondering: Earl Grey, cloves, elderberry syrup, agave, and herbs. Topped with an orange slice. They had a tarot card reader named Jem, who told me to be on the lookout for fire-filled motivation in my creative endeavors. I pulled the bat card from the animal tarot, which signifies breaking through darkness. I’ll take it.

The hotel sits on a hill so steep we got around in golf carts. My room had a giant bed and a giant tub I couldn’t wait to use.

After dinner, where I met some Velocity Black members and the rest of the press group, we headed to a sound bath led by Jhené. I’ve lived in LA for eight years and never been to one. The bowls and the rain machine settled me. A clean close to the travel day. When I got to my room, I found Alo’s Magnesium spray on my pillow. Relaxation wish, granted.

Day 2

We started with a workout from Kirsty Godso on a deck overlooking the property. She led us in the ab workouts she does with Hailey Bieber and a glute workout she called the “at-home BBL.” My glutes still hurt just thinking about it.

After the workout that will haunt my dreams, I ate an omelet overlooking the mountains and the vineyard on the property. Then a fireside chat with the experts: Dr. Jonathan Leary, Kirsty Godso, Mona Sharma, Jhené, and Velocity Black executive Greg Piddington. Here is where I confess that my level of woo woo is about a 7, and I was expecting the experts’ level to be at 100. I was wrong — it was a grounded conversation about wellness and longevity. Jhené Aiko talked about setting three alarms a day — one to take three deep breaths, one to name something she’s grateful for, one to thank God.

We took a field trip to Skipstone Ranch for lunch. Olive oil tasting, honey tasting from Sonoma Bee Company, and an owl I got to hang out with. The lunch overlooked a vineyard that had to be the inspiration for the Windows 97 screensaver.

When we got back to the resort, I had to prepare for my 1:1 interview with Jhené Aiko. We chatted about both being vitamin girlies and why whimsy is so important. More gifts: olive oil from Skipstone Ranch, Made Of protein powder from Kirsty Godso. After a sunset dinner with Jhené Aiko, I finally got into the tub. After a much-needed soak, I started reflecting on my day and how the theme of being mindful was subtly threaded through the day. From the tips the experts gave about wellness to the simple act of tasting olive oil. Wow. Mindfulness wish, granted.

Day 3

We started with another workout, this time led by Dr. Justin McDaniel from Remedy Place — the social wellness club Dr. Leary founded with cold plunges, IV drips, and the like. This is where the trouble started. I have a habit of making many friends and talking a lot. So after some light bullying from my new friends, looking at you, Dr. Leary, I found the courage to do the 6-minute ice plunge that Remedy Place set up for us. I’ve done a cold plunge before — I live in LA — but 6 whole minutes?! I was scared. The Remedy Place team coached us through it.

I faced my fear of freezing cold water and lasted the full 6 minutes in the ice bath. I even dunked under to finish it off! I felt invigorated and proud of myself. My fellow press girlies cheered me on. I cheered them when their turn came. We all felt like superheroes: soft monogrammed robes, our initials stitched in.

Remedy Place set up a mini Remedy Place at the resort for us to try. Naturally, I tried everything they had. I even got my first adjustment done by Dr. Justin. Plus hand-and-foot massages at the Montage’s spa.

Before dinner, we did a Tea Ceremony led by Jennifer Ndidi Ilonzeh and Jhené. We learned to make tea slowly — how to brew it, smell it, taste it. Fun fact: both nylon and biodegradable tea bags contain plastic. So, when we heat that water, we heat up microplastics and ingest them with our tea. Wild, right? Jennifer sent us home with her tea, and Jhené sent us home with lotion from her body care line. So many things to carry home: Away bags showed up to ship them home for us.

We ended our day with an experiential dinner at Chef Douglas Keane’s Michelin star restaurant, Cyrus. An experiential dinner means we got to go into the kitchen as the chefs prepared our meals. My favorites were the lobster with savory lemon curd and a hot mushroom broth that warmed me down to my toes. There was also a bread kitchen! All of this was before the multi-course dinner that ended with a chocolate experience, where I made a wish in the chocolate fountain.

I’m not sharing my wish — that’s bad luck. But let’s just say between that and my tarot, I am looking forward to what the universe has in store for me. Honestly, after this long day of trying new things and being ready for what is ahead after making my wish, my openness wish? Granted.

I didn’t expect to build community, but I did. As Dr. Leary mentioned, “human connection is very important for longevity. Being healthy does not mean being isolated.”

What to know before you go:

If you’re going to Sonoma, fly into Santa Rosa Airport. It’s small — only serves a couple of airlines — but it’s 20 minutes from Healdsburg. SFO is at least a two-hour drive. Save yourself the car ride.

Velocity Black is a digital concierge service and app and the membership runs about $3K per year, with more retreats like this one on the way.

Sonoma is dry. Bring deep-moisturizing lotions and ask the hotel for a humidifier. I woke up most days feeling very dry.

I boarded my flight home more relaxed than I’ve ever been after a trip. Who knew I could experience a real relaxing vacation? Not me.

Oh, and three deep breaths, once a day? Highly recommend.

Dawnie Jefferson is the Production & Editorial Coordinator at Refinery29. She dabbles in creating content for R29 Entertainment and Unbothered. On her days off she can be found puppeteering in LA.

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