Why are women glamorizing being taken back to the 18th century: the curse of the “girlfriend allowance”?

Tendai Ruben Mbofana

Of late, I have been coming across social media posts where some women glorify the need for a “girlfriend allowance” or stipend.

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They even boast that they are “high maintenance” and cannot be with a man who does not financially support their lifestyle. 

Quite frankly, I find this trend deeply troubling, as it threatens to take women back to the 18th century. 

Perhaps my perceptions are heavily influenced by the fact that I was raised by a strong and independent mother, who was never financially dependent on her husband, my father. 

Both of my parents are now late, but the lessons they left behind endure.

She worked super hard as a nurse—managing through her own sweat and dedication to buy several cars over the years, a beautiful low-density suburban house, and everything else needed for a decent livelihood. 

It was in this very house bought by my mother where we stayed, and where my parents raised me as an only child.

Of course, my father, who was a qualified teacher at the time, also managed to procure a suburban house and played a very crucial, supportive role in our family, but my mother’s financial autonomy was entirely her own. 

This shaped my worldview of what a truly strong, independent woman should be—a woman who commands immense respect and honor through her own capabilities.

As such, when I see this regression in this day and age, in the 21st century when we are supposed to have advanced profoundly from the 1970s and 1980s era of my mother, my heart bleeds.

What we are witnessing today under the polished guise of modern lifestyle trends is a catastrophic retreat from the battle lines of gender equality. 

Digital spaces are flooded with terms like the “soft life” and “hypergamy,” clever euphemisms designed to sanitize what is, at its core, a transactional submission to financial dependency. 

Content creators boast about the cash payouts, luxury shopping sprees, and monthly allowances provided by their male partners, packaging this reliance as the ultimate form of female empowerment and self-care. 

It is a spectacular exercise in intellectual dishonesty. 

For decades, the vanguard of the women’s movement fought tooth and nail to break the economic shackles that kept women trapped in a state of perpetual subordination. 

They recognized that as long as a woman relied on a man for her daily bread, she could never truly be his equal. 

To see modern, educated women willingly walk back into that economic cage, while slapping a glossy label of “empowerment” on it, is an insult to the generations who broke their backs to tear those walls down.

Let us strip away the modern buzzwords and address the raw, unvarnished math of human relationships: financial dependency always breeds a severe power imbalance. 

The ancient maxim holds completely true that he who pays the piper calls the tune. 

When a woman relies on a man to fund her life, she surrenders her autonomy and grants him the ultimate veto power over her choices. 

True independence is not choosing which luxury prison cell to occupy; it is having the keys to your own front door. 

A relationship built on an allowance turns a partnership into a employment contract, where respect is replaced by compliance. 

If that partner decides to become controlling, abusive, or simply withdraws his financial favor, a dependent woman is left completely stranded and powerless. 

My mother understood this reality perfectly. 

Her security did not depend on the shifting whims or goodwill of a man; it rested squarely on her own professional qualifications, her monthly salary, and her unyielding work ethic. 

That is the only true foundation for self-determination and dignity.

The long-term societal damage of this trend extends far beyond the adults currently engaging in it. 

The most devastating consequence is the toxic message it transmits to our daughters. 

When young girls are inundated with social media content that equates a woman’s worth with her ability to secure a wealthy benefactor, their own ambition is effectively suffocated. 

Why should a young woman endure the grit and grind of academic excellence, compete for executive positions, or take the immense risks of entrepreneurship when she is told that a relationship can serve as her entire financial plan? 

This mindset replaces internal capability with external reliance, teaching girls to view men as financial institutions rather than equal partners. 

Concurrently, this damaging trend socializes boys and even men to view women and girls as mere commodities who are totally incapable of taking care of themselves.

It reduces a woman’s worth in the eyes of young men to mere appearance and obedience, rather than recognizing them as intellectual equals and leaders. 

We are actively discouraging our daughters from aspiring to personal success, teaching them instead to bank on boyfriends for survival.

This cultural shift does not subvert patriarchal power; it fully restores it. 

It signals to men that their money is the ultimate tool for control and validation, re-establishing the relationship dynamic where the provider rules simply because he funds the operation. 

It also completely devalues the credibility of women who are fighting for systemic equality in the corporate and political spheres. 

It becomes incredibly difficult to demand equal authority, equal pay, and equal respect in society when a highly visible segment of the population argues that, in their personal lives, women should be financially maintained like dependents.

We must reject this glorified regression and return to the standard of true empowerment. 

Real strength is not measured by the size of an allowance a man gives you; it is measured by what you can build, earn, and sustain with your own hands. 

True honor and respect cannot be bought through a stipend, nor can they coexist with financial subordination. 

A truly strong woman looks at her home, her possessions, and her achievements, knowing she owes them to absolutely no one but herself. 

Is time to stop romanticizing dependency and reject the lazy allure of the “soft life.” 

We must explicitly teach the next generation that financial independence remains a woman’s ultimate insurance policy. 

It is her truest security, and her only path to absolute freedom.

• Tendai Ruben Mbofana is a social justice advocate and writer. To directly receive his articles please join his WhatsApp Channel on: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaqprWCIyPtRnKpkHe08