Top 3 Warning Signs Your Marriage Is in Trouble

From reality shows like The Real Housewives of Atlanta, popular black cinema, and of course, real life, there are many examples of signs your marriage is in trouble to look for. Lack of communication, emotional detachment, power dynamics, and infidelity are common marital issues that show couples may be on the rocks.

According to Black Demographics, 31% of Black Americans are married compared to 48% of the overall American population. While marriage has been declining across the country, and half of all marriages end in divorce, the stats are even more significant among black Americans, with half having never been married at all. However, for those who have jumped the broom but are experiencing marital strife, there’s still time to work together and see if the union is worth saving.

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What Are Some Signs Your Marriage Is in Trouble?

Signs of relationship problems can show up in various forms of abuse. A loss of intimacy can happen both sexually and communication-wise when couples no longer connect and feel more like roommates. In worst cases, couples may break their vows by way of infidelity.

1. Verbal and Emotional Abuse

When you take those marriage vows that promise to love, honor, and cherish, verbal abuse doesn’t exactly fit. Therefore, if your partner is constantly calling you names, causing you to endure disrespect, especially when it evolves into public humiliation, that’s a sign that the person may harbor contempt and emotional disconnect. 

Consider the film Why Did I Get Married? where Jill Scott’s character’s first scene with her husband takes place on an airplane, resulting in major humiliation, as he makes fun of her weight and decides to sit next to the woman he’s clearly having an affair with.

2. Lack of Intimacy

One of the perks of a marital union with someone you trust is regular intimacy, at least in theory. Therefore, if your partner has begun rationing the hugs, kisses, and nighttime activity, it may be a sign of a loss of attraction or deeper communication issues.

In a highly talked about scene from the popular reality show, Real Housewives of Atlanta, that took place in 2015, as Kandi and Todd were discussing marital issues, and Kandi brought up needing more lovemaking time. In response, Todd bluntly responded, “I’m not Tyson Beckford, and you’re not Rihanna.” 

While that happened back in 2015, and the couple went on to add to their family (so clearly some action happened), they’re currently going through divorce proceedings.

3. Infidelity

Cheating can breach trust and may be triggered by a lack of respect, feeling the other partner isn’t enough, or trying to relive another part of their life again. Some also cite feeling lonely, searching for something missing at home, or, in the case of Troy in the film Fences, a need to feel free.

One of the more heartbreaking examples displayed on screen is Fences, where Rose, played by Viola Davis, not only suffers heartache from her husband Troy’s infidelity, played by Denzel Washington, but she finds out he has fathered a child with another woman. When that woman dies, Troy asks Rose to raise the child as her own. While she agrees to raise the little girl as her daughter, she also makes it clear that Troy has “lost a wife.”

The couple in Fences legally stay together until death, and according to Divorce Magazine statistics cited by Human Life International, 60 to 75% of couples remain together after infidelity.

How Can You Save Your Relationship?

Being in a marriage requires intention and consistent action as opposed to a few grand gestures. Therefore, work to improve your communication, create more intimacy, respect, and listen to each other, while ensuring others also respect the boundaries of your marriage (i.e., tell in-laws and nosy friends to back off).

Luckily, couples can get help when there are signs your marriage is in trouble, as relationship counselling is available. Regular sessions can be a great time to make use of a mediator who may prevent triggering issues from turning into an argument, but there are daily steps to foster better connection as well. 

Start by:

• Making an effort not to interrupt each other when expressing feelings. 
• Avoid getting defensive. 
• Try to use the word “I” when communicating instead of the blame game. 
• Dedicate daily time to talk without distractions like TV, phone, or the kids. 
• Show gratitude for the little things from your spouse, from a cup of coffee to a cute card or note.

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